Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
