I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I look better un-naked...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
