He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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