I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
