So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
