my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize