thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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