Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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