And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
