My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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