This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
