You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
