Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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