Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize