Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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