Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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