It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
