is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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