Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
