ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
