I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
