chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
