My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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