you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
