I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
