you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
