and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, he came in my armpit
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
