Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
