So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize