I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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