i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They have beer where we have blood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
