peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
