I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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