theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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