i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
