but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
