think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
