the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize