Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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