so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize