I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
