I am in a vortex of obligation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
