i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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