wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
