i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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