K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
