i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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