I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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