Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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