I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
