who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
