1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
