"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
