No stitches, just platelets and will power
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
