Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think my tv is drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
