I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
