yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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