i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize