6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
