he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
