C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
