fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
