Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
