We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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