It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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