quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
