i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
