OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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