Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
