i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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