I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
