I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize