what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
