I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
