Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
