I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
