His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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