brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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