I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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