her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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