So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
