i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
