Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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