I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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