oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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