Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
